My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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