Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
