clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize