First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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