Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
