my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm always down for nudity.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
