i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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