Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
