"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize