All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
