I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
