Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
