you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I party with great urgency now.
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