Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize