would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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