Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
