My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
