i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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