having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need a beard to bite.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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