Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
