I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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