new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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