I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
