This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
