I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
