I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
