You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
