Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
