So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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