I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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