I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
