I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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