I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
