Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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