People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
