Can i not drive my cunt home
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize