I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
