i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
