i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
