yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
