So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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