P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
