A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
