The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
