I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
