The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
