My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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