glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
