Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
