just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
