She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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