she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
