Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
