We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize