mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
