He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
