My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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