who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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