when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
love makes seman taste better
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
