I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize