I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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