is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
