there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
