there's paper in my vomit.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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