This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
