Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
